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The burden of correcting ignorance is often not shared but instead placed upon the marginalized to confront alone.
After a client status meeting, I stayed afterwards for a small chit chat with two of the account team members.
The account supervisor asked me, "Where are you from?"
My response was simple: New York City, born and raised. But she wasn't satisfied with my answer. She re-phrased the question, "No, where are your parents from?" A bit confused, but still confident, I answered "They are from here. NYC, born and raised..." Again this did not sit well with her, and so she continued to dig. "No, like where are your grandparents from originally?" At this point, I knew where she was going, but I hoped she would stop because it was becoming uncomfortable. I answered both of my grandparents were from the Carolinas. She finally asked the questions she was searching for, but wanted to be politically correct, "No, like how did you come into this country?" Out of pure frustration and anger, I responded, "slave ships." The room fell silent and I rushed to the bath to cry my eyes out. I didn't cry because she offended me. I cried because I did not know how to handle the rush of anger I felt. I did not have a safe outlet. So I cried in the bathroom because it was my only "safe place" I could show my emotions without feeling like the "Angry Black Woman."
"…..No, like where are your grandparents from originally?"
Intentional or not, these types of inquires further perpetuate the creation of ‘otherness’ in the workplace. To the BIPOC employee, who often already feel like outsiders in the ethnically and racially homogenous workplace, indirect insinuations that you are “not from here”, or more to the point, not like ‘us’, creates not only a deeper divide between the majority and minority populations. Feelings of insecurity, frustration and anger can result amongst those who are left to manage their response to such acts of ignorance and insensitivity.
Awareness and ignorance can oftentimes be close cousins, especially when that lack of self and social awareness is thinly veiled in ‘curiosity’. Without a greater understanding of one’s own privilege as a dominant class member, and how that may limit one’s perspective and ability to empathize or engage effectively with minority employees and coworkers, the periodic sting of such ignorant inquiries are bound to persist within the workplace.
“…I didn't cry because she offended me. I cried because I did not know how to handle the rush of anger I felt.”
The concept of being ‘overburden’ has been thoroughly discussed in previous entries, however, remains a persistent theme in instances where ignorant actions and comments activate a set of simultaneous decisions to be made by the offended. What to say and how to say it are part of the everyday inner dialogue of the BIPOC at work, and emotionally charged instances such as this only intensifies the impact and elevates the stakes of those response decisions.
In this situation, the luxury of a commensurate response isn’t allowed the BIPOC, who is left to grapple with the decision to either respond emotionally and risk perpetuating certain stereotypes or to bottle up the anger and remove herself from the situation. Without a safe space or reliable outlet for her feelings, such shows of emotion will likely lead to further increased confusion and ultimately resentment between she and her coworkers.
